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I’m not turning my back on you, I’m just facing myself.

Self love is a concept that I’ve put a lot of thought into. I use conscious focus on this concept to make a lot of decisions in my life. I like to ask myself the question “Is this in the name of self love?” before making difficult choices. It’s hard to choose things that are self serving at times. Especially when you’re one of those people who doesn’t like to hurt other people’s feelings like I am. But one thing is for sure, in order to turn toward yourself it inevitably means turning your back on someone else. Not on purpose. Not in the name of malice. But in the name of self loving behavior and in order to maintain connection with your own soul. In order to avoid the guilt and shame associated with knowing that you’re doing yourself wrong. And we all know when we are doing ourselves wrong don’t we? Ha! Oh yeah, we get that lump in our throats, that knot in the pit of our stomachs and that faint voice in the back of heads screaming “NO! Wait! STOP! DOOOOONNNNNNNNTTTTTT!” lol. Oh man! smh. I just hate that moment of inner struggle when you know that choosing the best and the most loving thing for yourself in that moment will leave another person, and even worse a person that you love, feeling as if you just left them high and dry.

If only people knew. I’m not turning my back on you, I’m just facing myself. I’m looking in. I’m choosing me, not ditching you. I’m loving myself, not hating another. I’m trying to make sure that I still want to be with ME tomorrow when I wake up and if that means having to disconnect from other people then so be it. I need me.

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